No greater Love

I was feeling sorry for myself this morning. I’m hurting. Let me say it differently. My back hurts. And here comes Billy Graham Jr. Telling about Jesus’s pain, struggles, aloneness, betrayel and death.

I was thinking about where Im going. There have been no messages. Than Joyce Meyer comes on. Quit crying babies. It’s time to say……I am the righteousness of God in Christ. I don’t live under the law I live under the righteousness of Christ. Phew!

We dont always feel love. We don’t always feel victorious. But if you can believe by faith, that you have authority over the devil, that there is a plan for you , you can live by faith. Make mistakes. Pick yourself up.dust yourself off.

My first Psalm

We have to die to Christ
We have to come with unveiled faith

Proud pain is like the wind in summer
Staining a pretty yellow dress

Bring my love to earth
Where I may rest in Her sorrow

May the wind blow from the East
A cleansing rain
A morning dew
To begin anew

@2014

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This very special place

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I feel like Elizabeth Bishop, the poet. I watched an incredible movie last night on showtime. Reaching for the moon. Anybody that knows me knows Im crazy about the moon.

I came to stay a few weeks, I don’t know how long I’ll be here. It’s a huge piece of property that started out as a little log cabin on a small parcel. As I drive the John Deere around today, I think of how many went into the pond. Two. I got married in the backyard. So did my daughter. With flowers from the gardens.

Thirty five years ago this year I was nominated for the first year, class partier. Could I have a small party ?? Twelve barrels, a band that played almost until the sun came up. The police came. Three times. People still talk about it. Only one fell in the pond. In my stepdads barbecue apron.

The sad times. My stepDad, who I write about, George. His love for nature, any living creature and his greatest love for my Mom, which lasted thirty two years. Three A-10′s flew over the morning of his funeral, tipped and broke formation. I still remember where I was standing.

Moms alone now. What is your greatest gift to others? Service. Staying when you want to go. Smiling when you want to cry. Giving when you have received. There’s memories and there’s moments. What is life if the moments pass without recognition?

I’m thinking of becoming a poet. I don’t know how. I have a brain impairment but Ill never stop trying. I’m reaching for the moon.

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The Lure of success

I recently returned from a vacation of sorts. Four days of nothing but swimming, fishing, s’mores and bonfires. I wasn’t looking but two fish stories found me. One by the tale. One by real life.

The first was a catch and release. The release was painful. The fish had swallowed the hook and the man in the next cabin had tried, gently and swiftly, to remove it. As he set it back in the water, it floated. He turned away, he said. He couldn’t watch. The boat moved on.

The second was direct. The small fish had swallowed the hook. The man couldn’t remove it. There was no chance. As quickly as the fish had swallowed the hook, the fish had set its fate. Don’t look, the man said. It was not pretty. It was too late.

Jesus fed the men all the fish they could eat. There were no hooks. Man lures himself into believing that his way is the right way. Until he swallows the hook.

Animals teach us many things. We just don’t know it.

Fishing in Life

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What are you worth

The man stood there, silent as he held the sign that said, “will work for food”. My initial reaction surprised me. Was I judging?

There had to be work. This is America. During my travels in Costa Rica the common theme among the people there was America is the dream. “I’m going to America” they said proudly. When I’d land back in the US,I’d watch the blank faces at the fast food places in the airport staring at the menu screens. I’d watch shiny cars and shiny clothes and long to be back running in the rainforest.

I look away. The pain is heartfelt. What it must have taken for him to decide to hold that sign………I think………his soul.

The people down the street have been gone for a couple months. I wonder if they headed toward the jobs. North Dakota maybe for the fracking jobs. The South for the construction jobs. And I think to myself, when did we become nomads?

America, land of the free. Maybe it’s time to be brave. To fight Goliath. America, where have you gone? Where are the brave? They’re the ones holding the signs. Showing the rest of us what we’re missing.

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Are you shaken or stirred?

Something ran through the forest last night. It was a calm, balmy night. Something large, screeching, intimidating something else. I was scared.

I’m Dawn Johnston and I’m back. I don’t know for how long, God will tell me that.

My young friend, one of the nine children has recently told me his mission is to preach. I knew it from the blog last summer, I couldn’t share it with him. I don’t share what I hear from God anymore. I am only to give the message. I learned that the hard way. I tried to stir on my own and was shaken.

I was in love. The man I loved was headed for trouble. I told him what I knew. It didn’t change anything. Was he shaken or stirred?

Oh here she goes. What is she trying to say? God tells me to speak but not too loudly. God tells me to help but not to push. God tells me to stay or to go. I do not follow, I am led.

The animal scared me last night. It is hard to see in the darkness. And decide that what’s out there can’t hurt you. So don’t try. Don’t be shaken.

I’m Dawn Johnston and Im back. Your welcome. Are you going to listen this time? I am.

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Saying Goodbye

I’ve told myself one hundred times I must be crazy. This brain impairment is a heavy burden……for you. And now I am laughing.

When I first started writing this blog in December of 2012, I said my goal was to someday throw all this technology away. To be close to water. To wear flowing skirts, drive an old pick up with a dog or four, in the back. Live somewhere remote. Where there is no noise and the confusion it brings for me.

I wrote last of my friends diagnosis of cancer. It doesn’t look good. What I didn’t write about is the moment him and I shared before the power went out.

I died, I said, I’m different now. His eyes got wide and he looked at me and said, me too. We laughed as we both knew exactly what we were talking about. We, at that moment, had both found calm in the storm.

That is all I want. To continually stay in the light. To know that what I know and say is heard. And than I have to move on.

Where? They say. How will you? What if?

It’s time. If one day I’m no longer posting, I’ve been told, no more. It’s time. And when I think I’m crazy? Just read all 434 blog pages. Read my Bible. Maybe I wasn’t so crazy after all.

1John 4:13

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The World is Mine

Post-feeling good Thank you Everyone

Post-feeling good
Thank you Everyone


Say something Im giving up on you is playing. My whole life has changed. In a week. Actually, in Five days.

I came into this not knowing how I would come out of this. I came out. Not realizing how many people would be overjoyed I came out. How many people prayed and kept vigil over me, many of them miles away.

Today was a rough day. They said I would have these. My blood pressure was dropping, I was retaining fluid. A hot shower with my dear friend close by, making sure I wouldn’t pass out. Keep walking. Walking with family friends, one more lap around Dawn, you can do this. Breathe Dawn, breathe.

I’m Dawn Johnston and I had a breast cancer diagnosis. Today, as I felt the worst pain ever, I received the call . There were 77 samples and only three of those had DCIS. All margins were clear, there was no more cancer.

So tonight, as I wear my fuzzy socks in my warm room, I, once again, have changed. I don’t know where Im going, but Im taking it one day at a time. Ill slowly get my strength back, start running again and start over.

Most importantly, this diagnosis has made me truly let go. For the first time, I don’t know what’s next. But to me that’s the most exciting part. Whatever is meant to be, let it be presented to me. One day at a time. One breath at a time. I’m still here. And God willing, I’m not going to say goodbye for a long time.

My Team, Dr. Brown, the "Man" of Breast Cancer, and Dr. Deluca Pytell, the "Sculptor".  Forever grateful..

My Team, Dr. Brown, the “Man” of Breast Cancer, and Dr. Deluca Pytell, the “Sculptor”. Forever grateful..

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Jesus take the wheel

Look for the light but embrace the darkness 1John 1:5

Look for the light
1John 1:5

Grandpas’s not doing well. It doesn’t look good. Awkward moments. The signs are showing. Feeling hopeless, we put on our best faces. We try as best we can to know what to do. But we don’t.

I’m with my special family. I know they would want me to write. There are certain moments you will remember your entire life.

The power goes out. We are all left in the dark. The fire is built. The candles come out. It is there we find the darkness is a comfort. We cannot move. We cannot keep busy. We cannot run.

Dad leads in a bible teaching. Has it been an hour? Has it been two? Is everyone in our area without power? We forget.

It is than we can tell what we are grateful for. One person at a time. It is dark, we cannot see, we can only hear. We listen as each one talks about a special memory. A moment when each one could say……I remember when.

Than the adults. Words are spoken. Heartfelt words that have been there for years. Everyone was impacted. Everyone. In Dads final prayer to God, he says what we’re all feeling. But no one can say. With the lights on.

We love you David

We love you David

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Here Comes the Sun

It’s digitally remastered. A series of sound waves set to high performance. Just what I needed.

The days have been long and cold. It’s cloudy…….a lot. Their are multiple people going through life changing events. I just needed to get away. And so I did.

I have been “shooting” the sun for over ten years now, I notice I can’t look directly at it. I notice there appears to be a light to the right of it……constantly. And what I thought were “sun dogs” as someone mistakenly told me last year, were not.

Little darlin, It’s been a long lonely cold winter. But it’s all right.

Sun, sun sun, here it comes.
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You are what you think

The snow is overwhelming. The weather is terrible. Gas prices are still higher. And heating fuel is going even higher. If you’re in warm weather, there’s another set of problems. Maybe I’ve started a trend being a nomad of sorts.

For the first time, what I say weather wise makes sense. I don’t like it. But it’s real.

So here’s my Dawnism for today. Stop stinking thinking……….I know it’s hard and it’s getting harder. Hmmmmmmm. Part of the master plan? An unusual pattern? Or the beginning? I can’t decide that for you, but here’s what I can say………..

You are what you hear
You are what you eat
You are what you say
So, what do you say?

Some days I just say help me God. Help me God. As many times as I need to. And the stinking thinking stops. Try it, you might like it.

Psalm 118:6

Look up

Look up

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