All that glitters

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I have so many choices. This year, I’m visiting and I notice the whole family has glitter stuck to them somewhere. She turns her head and I think, there’s a sparkly on her cheek.

The boys walk in. They would cringe if I nonchalantly say, hey, you have glitter on your face. But now it’s my turn.

In my last minutes Christmas shopping, because I don’t emphasize material over belief(I’ll explain later), I’m overwhelmed with all the choices for wrappings. Bags and bells, themes and colors, bows that glitter, ribbons that sing. I give in, as everyone else does, and choose the discount store.

So now I’m wrapping. It looks so pretty. But I’m covered in glitter. Have I given in too?

So, it’s time to explain. I believe…………

What do you believe? Something to think about as you see your own glitter this year. Now, I’ve gotta go. My friend, the mother of nine children, needs help. Wrapping.

Merry. Christmas

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I can’t go back

Last night we walked through the marketplace and the den of thieves. On our way to the manger. Experienced what it must have felt like for Mary and Joseph. There was no room at the Inn. It was the local church, reenacting the story, complete with Romans on horses, the donkey, camel(llama), the three wise men, and the star, baby Jesus.

The angel appeared on the rooftop, proclaiming the new Messiah. It was misty, the intense light making the angel appear even more real. Proclaiming that a great birth would take place. And change the world.

I returned home to find the Sydney siege happening. My heart was heavy. What has become of us? And then I think of me. What has become of me? What I am doing? What I must do. The readers I will let down. The twitter followers who expected brain impairment. But instead will now get inspiration, messages from the heavens as I see them and new ways of looking at your life here, today.

On the day Jesus was crucified, did God feel the pain? Or did he feel as I do now. It’s for the greater good. It hurts if I think of who I’ll let down. But then I remember. We can all be reborn in our lives. A new and glorious day. Merry Christmas, may each day bring you the light that I show you. Give thanks each night. And no matter what you believe, always look up. The greatest miracles of all are up.

Today’s song…..

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Jesus in the sky

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I want to see Jesus in the sky. She’s four now. Quiet most of the time. The silent one of the nine children. But she has the light. When she sings of Jesus, you can see her love for him radiating through her.

I’m back with my wonderful family. We’re watching Elf. The Christmas tree sparkles. The little ones remind me, put the Christ the Christmas. It’s a commercial, did I want to hear their new song? J-E-S-U-S. Most commercials get muted but this commercial about the octopus comes on and it’s ok to watch. The five year old wants to know where his Christmas list is. I help him spell octopus.

He then curls up next to me with his sister on the other side. and I remember a moment. I took a photo this year that even surprised me. I was in the drive thru. The message was, photograph the glass. I remember thinking the workers must think Im goofy. I did not see how the picture turned out until later.

There is no Santa, he says, more a question than a statement. Mom and Dad bring the presents. It’s a commercial. There is a Santa, I say. You know how you feel it right here in your heart when you sing of Jesus? He looks at me. He snuggles back in.

The movies back on. And I think back to when I showed the four year old on the other side of me, the picture from the drive thru. Two days later, I was showing pictures. She grabs my arm, almost jumping up and down, saying show us Jesus in the sky. She named it herself. Spirit.

Jesus in the sky

 
 

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The story of me

I’m down to 3%. Where’s the plug? I’m pouring wine, it’s my last night here. I’m letting go. And it’s bringing me to tears.

4300 pictures. Two ICloud identities. Brain impairment, self explanatory. That took me two days and 23$ in ITunes charges to realize. They’ll be there in 90 days.

The Iphone is backed up, in the Cloud, erased and ready. And backed up to my laptop. Some of those pictures can’t be duplicated. Ever.

The IPad was going to be synced tonight, the same procedure. Than I realized the ID is the old one. Would I lose everything? I started scrolling through the photo stream. And saw my life unfold. My photography, my friends, the memories and moments. So, as Sam Smiths new CD is playing, I’m so happy. I’ve been alone for 8 days. I’m sitting in front of the fireplace and the wine and tears flow, I know those memories will always be there. And I know what I want. For the first time in a long time.

Reference month two, or is it one or three ? You’ll have to find it. I write that I will lose all technology. But I will never lose the memories. As Shakespeare said, To thy own self be true. I can’t hold a camera and an apple at the same time.

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To Marilyn who never stopped believing in me, my witness, my friend. Forever grateful.

See some of my photos on my google+ profile Namaste
 
 

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Kids and Animals can

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If I walk into a room and there is “darkness” within someone, I can feel it. I’ll avoid eye contact. Pray to myself, ask why I’m there. Sometimes, I find, the person has been praying or asking to make the darkness go away. I am led to them. They ask, I start talking. They are amazed I know what no one knows. they thank me, often years later. Other ones, in denial, they know I feel them. And they avoid eye contact. They flee.

Some people who meet me can my presence right away. “There’s just something about you”, they’ll say. They “feel” me.

But its children and animals who “sense” me. My dear friend became a believer after watching me ask the bird to pose. I didn’t want believers, I had asked God and the Universe to show me if this was what I was supposed to do. The picture at the top of this website? Look at it. Closely. I was running the beach in Alabama. Having a Lt. Dan moment with God. It was cloudy. My friend was down the beach. Are you ready to go?, She said. She still couldn’t believe how the bird had responded to me.

Grown ups can’t. They judge and complain, criticize and condemn. It’s as if I’m looking down at them. Seeing what they can’t see. Nor choose to see. Believe to see. Understand to see. When they say or do to me what is not right, I walk away. Gently.

In the course of history, great people have gone through exactly what I write about above. Hemingway, Dali, Picasso, Einstein, lady Godiva, Geronimo and yes, Forrest Gump. Think about it.

Sometimes you have to start over to find yourself. Sometimes, you have to find yourself in order to start over. And the picture of me at the top of this website when I was having the Lt. Dan moment? I didn’t take it. But my phone did.

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I will lead where you follow

The messages always come to me in threes. Sometimes I wonder if it just has to be delivered three times for my brain to grasp it. Other times, I wonder if I’m just not listening.

It’s rainy today. No matter where I’m travelling, when it’s a rainy day, everything slows down. Everybody slows down.

I finally slowed down. Enough to realize that Adsense was putting bad ads on my blog. I need to cancel but I just haven’t had the time.

My follow button didn’t work……at all. It’s gone now. You can follow me on twitter if you don’t want to go to the website every day. The bird symbol isn’t what I wanted but it works for now. I haven’t been writing every day.

Are you going too fast? Are you making something that will last? Oh dear, hear it comes. Feeling Groovy. Are You?

Proverbs 16:9
Bring on the rain.

 
 

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Was I lost?

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I blinked my eyes twice as I struggled to wake up. I’m in the South where the heat envelopes you. The people here hope for clouds. Today I did too. Montel Williams is now following you on Twitter my feed said. God I hope so, I said to myself.

I start my day with yoga, try to connect, I don’t. I’m not with it today, something is bugging me. Is it the heat? Is it the uncertainty? Sometimes I just have to let go or else my brain will “lock” on it and Ill get nothing accomplished.

I’m turning in the complex when I suddenly veer back out into traffic. I’m going to se the President. Really. 10 miles away the President will be landing. What are the chances?

At McDonald’s, I introduce myself to what I think is a General. Did you look at his name tag, my daughter says? No. I didn’t know what to do. Then the trip to the visitors center where I get permission to take a picture except when I take it, the guard approaches quickly. They ask to see the pictures. I ask when the Presidents coming, he smiles, Sorry, no.

I sit on the lanai on this warm balmy night. Thinking of the President 10 miles away. And think, Montel, not today. Not today.

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Take a letter Maria

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It’s song morning Saturday. I’m just waking up. It’s Ten O’clock. I’ve missed the exotic birds, they get here early. It feels good to be out of my routine. “Stay with a routine, you can lead a fairly normal life” were their exact words.

Address it to my wife. I’m laughing now, I’ve just transposed the words. That’s happens with a brain impairment. I was at the Salvador Dali Museum this week for a free lecture series. In an amazing coincidence I met the speaker early. I didn’t know it and as we chatted (because I had misread the time), he told me he also had a brain impairment from a surgery. During the lecture, I realized I wasn’t in tune with the audience.

Tell her I won’t be coming home. How hard that is to say to anyone. Have you done it? I have. It’s hard. Friends, family, lovers all wanting answers. Where there are none. I tell them it’s ok. I’m gently saying goodbye.

For the first time in my life, I’m out of my routine. I’m completely letting go and seeing where the Universe takes me. My heart and mind are open. They are totally open. Like Hemingway. And Dali.

Got to start a new life.

 
 

A special acknowledgement today to Marilyn, my publicist, who watched as another life moment unfolded. A series of events which led me to Ernest Hemingway. And my likeness to him. I couldn’t do all this without your love, support, patience and understanding of I do not follow, I am led. Many blessings great friend. many blessings

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