Saying Goodbye

I’ve told myself one hundred times I must be crazy. This brain impairment is a heavy burden……for you. And now I am laughing.

When I first started writing this blog in December of 2012, I said my goal was to someday throw all this technology away. To be close to water. To wear flowing skirts, drive an old pick up with a dog or four, in the back. Live somewhere remote. Where there is no noise and the confusion it brings for me.

I wrote last of my friends diagnosis of cancer. It doesn’t look good. What I didn’t write about is the moment him and I shared before the power went out.

I died, I said, I’m different now. His eyes got wide and he looked at me and said, me too. We laughed as we both knew exactly what we were talking about. We, at that moment, had both found calm in the storm.

That is all I want. To continually stay in the light. To know that what I know and say is heard. And than I have to move on.

Where? They say. How will you? What if?

It’s time. If one day I’m no longer posting, I’ve been told, no more. It’s time. And when I think I’m crazy? Just read all 434 blog pages. Read my Bible. Maybe I wasn’t so crazy after all.

1John 4:13

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The World is Mine

Post-feeling good Thank you Everyone

Post-feeling good
Thank you Everyone


Say something Im giving up on you is playing. My whole life has changed. In a week. Actually, in Five days.

I came into this not knowing how I would come out of this. I came out. Not realizing how many people would be overjoyed I came out. How many people prayed and kept vigil over me, many of them miles away.

Today was a rough day. They said I would have these. My blood pressure was dropping, I was retaining fluid. A hot shower with my dear friend close by, making sure I wouldn’t pass out. Keep walking. Walking with family friends, one more lap around Dawn, you can do this. Breathe Dawn, breathe.

I’m Dawn Johnston and I had a breast cancer diagnosis. Today, as I felt the worst pain ever, I received the call . There were 77 samples and only three of those had DCIS. All margins were clear, there was no more cancer.

So tonight, as I wear my fuzzy socks in my warm room, I, once again, have changed. I don’t know where Im going, but Im taking it one day at a time. Ill slowly get my strength back, start running again and start over.

Most importantly, this diagnosis has made me truly let go. For the first time, I don’t know what’s next. But to me that’s the most exciting part. Whatever is meant to be, let it be presented to me. One day at a time. One breath at a time. I’m still here. And God willing, I’m not going to say goodbye for a long time.

My Team, Dr. Brown, the "Man" of Breast Cancer, and Dr. Deluca Pytell, the "Sculptor".  Forever grateful..

My Team, Dr. Brown, the “Man” of Breast Cancer, and Dr. Deluca Pytell, the “Sculptor”. Forever grateful..

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Jesus take the wheel

Look for the light but embrace the darkness 1John 1:5

Look for the light
1John 1:5

He’s not doing well. It doesn’t look good. Awkward moments. The signs are showing. Feeling hopeless, we put on our best faces. We try as best we can to know what to do. But we don’t.

I’m with my special family. I know they would want me to write. There are certain moments you will remember your entire life.

The power goes out. We are all left in the dark. The fire is built. The candles come out. It is there we find the darkness is a comfort. We cannot move. We cannot keep busy. We cannot run.

Dad leads in a bible teaching. Has it been an hour? Has it been two? Is everyone in our area without power? We forget.

It is than we can tell what we are grateful for. One person at a time. It is dark, we cannot see, we can only hear. We listen as each one talks about a special memory. A moment when each one could say……I remember when.

Than the adults. Words are spoken. Heartfelt words that have been there for years. Everyone was impacted. Everyone. In Dads final prayer to God, he says what we’re all feeling. But no one can say. With the lights on.

We love you David

We love you David

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Here Comes the Sun

It’s digitally remastered. A series of sound waves set to high performance. Just what I needed.

The days have been long and cold. It’s cloudy…….a lot. Their are multiple people going through life changing events. I just needed to get away. And so I did.

I have been “shooting” the sun for over ten years now, I notice I can’t look directly at it. I notice there appears to be a light to the right of it……constantly. And what I thought were “sun dogs” as someone mistakenly told me last year, were not.

Little darlin, It’s been a long lonely cold winter. But it’s all right.

Sun, sun sun, here it comes.
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You are what you think

The snow is overwhelming. The weather is terrible. Gas prices are still higher. And heating fuel is going even higher. If you’re in warm weather, there’s another set of problems. Maybe I’ve started a trend being a nomad of sorts.

For the first time, what I say weather wise makes sense. I don’t like it. But it’s real.

So here’s my Dawnism for today. Stop stinking thinking……….I know it’s hard and it’s getting harder. Hmmmmmmm. Part of the master plan? An unusual pattern? Or the beginning? I can’t decide that for you, but here’s what I can say………..

You are what you hear
You are what you eat
You are what you say
So, what do you say?

Some days I just say help me God. Help me God. As many times as I need to. And the stinking thinking stops. Try it, you might like it.

Psalm 118:6

Look up

Look up

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Pick your slot

Just look up

Just look up

It’s been one of those days. Monday. too many things in one day. And yet Im waiting. It’s so cold out, yet I want to go out now, shovel snow or run. It’s tonight. And as it streaks across the sky most people will be in watching TV, going to bed early or getting on their laptops.

I quickly scan the news and come across the meteor that streaking through the night sky…..tonight. The asteroid that will be nowhere to coming close to hitting us. Like the one in Russia last year.

When I say “look up”, I mean it. I don’t know why. It keeps coming back to me.

The 295-yard (270-meter) asteroid was expected to streak by Earth little more than a year after another asteroid exploded on February 15, 2013.

Is that three football fields? Yes. Near-Earth asteroid 2000 EM26 poses no threat of actually hitting the planet, but the online Slooh Space Camera will track the asteroid as it passes by Earth on Monday. The live Slooh webcast will start at 9 p.m. EST (0200 Feb. 18 GMT), and you can also watch the webcast directly through the Slooh website.

Slooh.com. Just look up. Or get up because you only live once, right?

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Did you know?

I was once told never say these words;

Hate
Crazy
Sick
Tired
Death

Happy Valentines Day, make the most of your eyes, your ears, your mouth and mostly your heart. No one ever said this was going to be easy. Did they?

Cross my heart

Cross my heart

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It’s not a boy

It was chicken. It was very cold where I was. I decided my elderly mother would probably appreciate some of her favorite chicken. With two sides. Original, not extra crispy. But not the bucket. It would be too much food.

I wrote last night the headline for the blog, attached the picture and couldn’t go on. I couldn’t keep my eyes open, I was so tired, yet I thought of the disciple who slept.

At night, I will sometimes go through the pictures, deleting most, editing some by zooming, cropping. I didn’t see until I zoomed in. Below, a picture I took in the KFC drive thru window. Yes, the reflection in the glass. When I am told to shoot, I’ll shoot. That’s all I know.

The songs not about a boy, it’s about not giving up. On your parents, the elderly, sick people, anybody. People you love. And how sometimes, we think God has left us, forsaken us, forgot about us, it’s just not true…

“And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all”

“And I will stumble and fall
I’m still learning to love
Just starting to crawl”

Just look up. The message was for me.
Luke 12:34

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Say something I’m giving up on you

Dawn johnston

 
 
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